It's better to be 14 days late the party and knock on the door like "I'm here. why are you in a nightgown? Where are the drinks?" than to never show up at all. Inspired by @ShawnKelly.
  1. Because my siblings and I still wrestle physically with "gentleman's rules"
  2. Because I get texts/emails every few weeks that just say "I'm proud of you" from parents ... and in the spirit of honesty, sometimes old professors
  3. Because my childhood body shape was the exact same as Olive in Little Miss Sunshine
  4. Because "white girl tears" have gotten me out of a lot of shit, which I now recognize as both influential to my life and obviously problematic
    For example, I once cried in a doctors office and she gave me an "exhaustion" diagnosis. Like what strung out celebrities get.
  5. Because in 3rd grade I moved to a new town and Mighty Ducks-ed the last place rec soccer team, then we won the championship 3 years in a row
  6. Because whenever I played Rollercoaster Tycoon I always built enough bathrooms so the people would be happy
  7. Because I watched Mitch Hedburg and Aziz specials on repeat until I learned how to tell stories like them
  8. Because I'm an actual adult professional accountant at the current moment and I'm 100% not sure how I ended up here