Requested by Peter

Top 5 Reasons Why My Farts Are Deadly

Thanks, P, for such a great request. I would like to formally state that my farts aren't always deadly, but sometimes they are.
  1. 5.
    I eat a lot of turkey.
    Like a lot. I feel like this is somehow a problem.
  2. 4.
    Probiotics.
    The period of time I was on probiotics was a trying time for all those around me. It got worse before it got better.
  3. 3.
    I have a very active intestinal system, and I make my way through a large amount of food each day.
    Pure quantity of activity leads to a higher probability of a deadly fart.
  4. 2.
    I'm self diagnosed lactose sensitive, but make no moves to counteract that.
    Love me some Greek yogurt.
  5. 1.
    Genetics.
    Don't blame me. Blame my blood.