THINGS MY MOTHER HAS TEXTED

The first text that my mother ever sent took me approximately 5 minutes to download on my flip razor phone. It was a data file instead of a message. It contained the following: :). She was so proud of her technical acumen.
  1. You're mother's a genius
    She quickly corrected error, but the damage was done.
  2. Yes, I got very gassy after eating all of those chocolate cherries.
  3. Poop tomorrow. 💩
    After saying she ate too many chocolate covered cherries (see above). The laxative effects of cherries are well discussed in my family.
  4. Mom: Eww what is it? Me: Mushroom asparagus and spinach brown rice risotto 😛 Mom: Before or after consumption? Me: Why are you being so mean? Does Morgan have your phone? Mom: It’s Morgan’s fault for sending me the tater tot dog video 😜
    Morgan is my sister, and I still have no idea why a tater tot dog video makes one mean.
  5. Is being a friend in your job description?
  6. Me: The kale with tofu is super yummy on pasta Mom: I like it on rice. Rice is easier 😊. Me: No it's not. Pasta cooks faster Mom: Not if you have a timer on your rice cooker. Me: Well I don't have that. And what if you forget to set your rice Mom: Then I don’t eat.
  7. Me: Had a dream about a new iPhone and apple watches Mom: It was the Holy Spirit.
  8. I wonder who's ashes I've gotten on my golf shoes.
  9. That’s what you get for working with people.
  10. 😀 you make me laugh. Except for the killing part.
  11. Dead cows are delicious.
    She's now vegetarian.