I'm really good at my job.
  1. It gets great light at (name a time that isn't current time) because of the (say any direction) exposure!
    ANY combo of time and direction works.
  2. Ever heard of too many closets?! Well now you have!
    Say while slamming shut the only closet door. Extra points if you can walk inside the closet and go "wow!"
  3. The kitchen vents out so you can cook fish whenever you want!
    Turn on bathroom vent and pretend it's for kitchen. Rub tummy to signify the fish the potential tenant will be preparing in there is delicious.
  4. Listen (dramatic pause) you can barely hear it!
    In regards to the bridge traffic, car traffic, subway shaking, Chinese people shouting at each other, etc.
  5. When your friends want a restaurant suggestion, they're going to ask YOU!
    You're basically calling this person the coolest foodie in their group of friends, guaranteed rent. Gotta say it like you mean it though.
  6. It's off the beaten path, you're a pioneer.
    This person is literally cumming right now to rent this apartment bc now THEY are the ones that singlehandedly discovered Chinatown.