Context: LIVE LISTING MY PSYCHIATRIC ADMISSION I'll be off til Friday next week. My boyfriend (we've not yet officially split - I know I know!) agreed to stay by his mum for this period.
  1. β€’
    DAY 1: wake up at 9h00. I think that's okay. I haven't had a lie-in in weeks. Cuddling with my kitten makes it even better.
  2. β€’
    A little bit of house cleaning. Not excessively because I know it's one of my diversions, but the litter box definitely needed cleaning. How can one kitten pee this much? 😼
  3. β€’
    Paging through some magazines for dinner ideas.
  4. β€’
    13h00: kickboxing class at the gym. It was intense!! I couldn't quite keep up. It has been a while since I worked out. I reached 80% of my max heart rate. πŸ€ΈπŸ½β€β™€οΈ
  5. β€’
    After gym: shopping for groceries and some household supplies. This took longer than I anticipated πŸ™ˆ
  6. β€’
    16h00: boyfriend arrives to fetch something. I kind of wish he had called first. I'm questioning his motives for not calling. But honestly, seeing him hasn't affected me emotionally in either direction. Maybe I really have mourned this relationship already.
  7. β€’
    Made supper. It took longer than anticipated because 1. I'm a klutz in the kitchen and 2. A fluorescent tube decided to burst and I had to figure out how to dispose of it 3. Fawkes keeps climbing on the kitchen counters 😾
    Cheesy baby marrow and beef meatballs (see previous pic). It looked nothing nearly as nice as in the magazine... it was nice, for meatballs.
  8. β€’
    Called my family and had a decent conversation with them. We didn't talk about boyfriend, but it was nice. ❀️
  9. β€’
    REWIND: forgot to say; last night (Wednesday) a friend and I went to the V&A Waterfront Museum Night - an initiative where a large number of museums in Cape Town are free to enter, and there are also a lot of public art performances.
    I think the idea is to make museums and art more accessible to locals who either work all day or can't afford cover charge. It also fosters a night life that isn't just focussed on alcohol and strobe lights πŸ˜‰ we only ended up going to one (Chavonne's Battery Museum - which is surprisingly NOT about batteries πŸ€£πŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ). We also viewed an underwater photography exhibition, and listened to a youth string quartet as well as a jazz band. All for free! The vibe was awesome.
  10. β€’
    DAY 2: not feeling very productive today. It's a lovely rainy day and it almost seems like reading with hot chocolate is the best self-care plan for today.
    Did a mindfulness session with the Headspace app this morning. Also did a bedtime mindfulness session with another app (Calm) last night.
  11. β€’
    Lovely little interaction with one of my senior registrars. She was off for MH reasons earlier this year.
  12. β€’
    There's a co-dependency support group near me on Tuesday and I really want to go but I have a therapy appointment on that day.
    There's always next Tuesday I guess.
  13. β€’
    Daily socialising trip to the outside world: collecting my withdrawal-dose venlor. As if it's not bad enough that the drug didn't work for me, it has to near impossible to wean from as well!
  14. β€’
    Musical appreciation courtesy of @plaidflannel's lovely playlist.
    I don't have spotify so I made the same list on Apple Music. πŸ’œ
  15. β€’
    STILL DAY 2: felt suddenly overwhelmed. Found a rescue session on mindJRNY. Maybe felt a little more settled afterwards.
  16. β€’
    Spent some creative time reviving my bullet journal...
  17. β€’
    DAY 3: Fawkes went walkies!!!
    It was so much fun!
  18. β€’
    Spent most of the Saturday with two good friends in Kalk Bay, a tiny harbour town on the Cape Peninsula.
    The light was harsh sorry.
  19. β€’
    We had an informal tinder photoshoot because my friends are intent on living lasciviously through my future escapades.
    Nice scenery.
  20. β€’
    And then... OMFG I WENT ON A DATE!
    *processing... processing*
  21. β€’
    DAY 4: mindfulness was super hard today - see last activity yesterday. Headspace was prepared for this eventuality and had an animation about not try to stop or interfere with thoughts. Just... observe them.
  22. β€’
    Went on a second date with the girl from last night?! Is this too fast?!
    Should I start a separate about this?!
  23. β€’
    Went to an amazing Syrian restaurant with some friends for dinner.
    Oh, and also achieved some mundane household tasks today. I think I need to read tonight though. And just be calm. I feel a bit unsettled.
  24. β€’
    DAY 5 was a bit of a bust. For some reason couldn't get out of bed. When I finally did, there was construction in our road. Currently I have no electricity as said construction workers damaged a cable.
    I did manage to purchase "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.
  25. β€’
    DAY 6: had breakfast with my boyfriend... πŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ it was nice. As in friends-nice. But he probably thinks it means I feel better about "us".
  26. β€’
    Went shopping. Then got caught up in all the homeware stores. I got EXCITED about the stuff I'll buy when he's moved out... never mind the fact that him moving out is going to make my finances a little more tricky.
    That's quite telling though, isn't it?
  27. β€’
    Went to therapy. It was a little bit disjointed because I hadn't seen her in two weeks (what with the admission) and SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED. But it was nice. My therapist is really happy for me and the progress I'm making.
    The fact that I intend to stick with my plan of ending the relationship. She said I was brave 😁. And the fact that I'm able to get excited about things. And that I have a libido again!
  28. β€’
    DAY 7: that friend I made at the clinic last week? We met today and I got to introduce her to my favourite ice cream place. It was really nice to chat with someone who's got some understanding of what I'm dealing with. And we didn't talk about dark stuff so much, it was just nice and supportive.
    She's also very supportive about the boyfriend thing. Said she's got a kettle and some other things to loan me when he moves out. She reminds me so much about my aunt, maybe that's why I feel so much tenderness towards her. I can't tell her that though because it's the aunt who died. πŸ˜•
  29. β€’
    Cleared out my cupboard and donated some clothes to local charity. Then totally spent like 90 minutes grocery shopping. I even bought a set of knives because I don't even own those. The apartment will be empty when he leaves for good. Now it's 20:00 and I still need to make dinner. πŸ™ˆ
  30. β€’
    Managed to make dinner and eat by 21:30 πŸ™ˆ fishcakes from scratch - they were pretty good! I just made way too much so I'm either going to eat fishcakes breakfast, lunch, and supper; or some homeless people are getting a hearty meal tomorrow. (I vote the latter.)
    Served with sweet chilli and humus, because I can.
  31. β€’
    Vacuuming the house today because when he leaves he'll take the vacuum cleaner too πŸ™ˆ
    And doing laundry. And letting Fawkes explore the courtyard a bit.
  32. β€’
    Also, I baked these yummie mini-quiches with leftover rice, peas, and zucchini. I'm quite happy with how I'm managing to feed myself... these should take care of lunch for the next week (yeah it's not great eating the same thing repeatedly but I also can't spend my whole life cooking!).
    And yes, I do prisma-edit all my food pics. Because I can't get them to look appealing otherwise! 🀣
  33. β€’
    Met with this lovely friend from high school. She recently moved to Cape Town! Of course I took her to The Creamery πŸ’πŸΌ
    What I love about our friendship is that we have quite differing world views, but the same views on equality and acceptance, so we've been friends for 13 years and even when we haven't spoken in many months, we always pick up right where we left off.
  34. β€’
    Day 9: vacuumed my car. It's squeaky clean now!
    At least on the inside. Still can't wash the outside due to water restrictions in Cape Town.
  35. β€’
    Broke up with Charl.
    See my other list if the morbidity fascinates you. Honestly, I feel relieved. But he'll only be moving his stuff out on Tuesday.
  36. β€’
    Went to a "secret" gin bar to meet a new friend! We met through instagram and our blogs πŸ™ˆ it was awesome, and she's lovely!
    The gin was fantastic too.
  37. β€’
    Aaand just as I was settling down to have a hot chocolate another friend told me to pack my shit cos we are going out.
    Apparently breaking up means everyone wants to get me drunk?? πŸ˜†
  38. β€’
    DAY 10: we went out at midnight so guess it counts as Day 10. A DRUNK STORY
    I feel a little guilty about doing this on a day I was technically on sick leave... BUT it was technically weekend, my sick leave ended the Friday, so... I'm going to try not to feel too guilty.
  39. β€’
    Went for breakie and it was great. I got the tab as a thank you for the girls looking after me last night. Also they bought all the drinks last night.
  40. β€’
    Spent most of the day in my friend's apartment (she has uncapped wifi), avoiding Charl while he packs. Started feeling a bit panicky, then I cleaned her kitchen. πŸ™ˆ
    Also relaxed a lot though. And went fridge shopping - unsuccessfully. I did manage to buy a mop and a tin opener 🀣
  41. β€’
    Heard through the grapevine that some of my coworkers bitched about my absence even though our HoD told them that she was fully involved and that my reason for sick leave was legit.
    It shouldn't bother me, but it does. I WANTED to be at work. I didn't stay away for fun. It was for my health, and it was hard.
  42. β€’
    I'm that person who accidentally nicks myself making fucking grilled cheese. πŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ
    The steak knife was new. And sharp. And clearly wanted a bigger challenge than soft cheese. It's kinda weird not having someone around when I get hurt. But also nice not having someone tell me I was being stupid.
  43. β€’
    THE LAST DAY: I bough a fridge! It was more than I had budgeted for but t was a freaking brilliant buy with a much better lifespan and resale value. And my dad agrees it was a savvy decision.
    Look at me adult 😎
  44. β€’
    Buying lunch at Pizza Hut.
    I am an adult I swear.
  45. β€’
    Just strolling and exploring a part of Cape Town I'm not familiar with and look what I found.
    @victralala at least now I know where it is!
  46. β€’
    Thanks to everyone who cheered me on these two weeks. Back to work tomorrow.