THEY TOLD ME I'D WISH FOR MY PERIOD ONE DAY

I just didn't know they were talking about ME.
  1. Didn't I do everything right?
  2. Before I started on isoretinoin (a known teratogen), I got an IUCD.
  3. I went for the 6 week scan to ensure it was in place.
  4. I felt regularly that it was in place.
    I'm a doctor. I know how to find my cervix.
  5. And then I was late.
  6. And I thought it was ectopic because that's the first thing you think when someone with an IUCD has a positive PT.
  7. And I got one of my colleagues to scan me. And another to draw my blood.
  8. It's intrauterine.
  9. No foetal pole or anything. The isoretinoin is really toxic I guess.
  10. And I took the tablets. And my best friend sat with me all day to monitor for complications.
  11. But I've had practically every side effect in the book except for the one that matters.
    The bleeding, that is.
  12. And I'm emotional as fuck.
    Is it the hormones or am I just more traumatised than I expected?
  13. I'm in paediatrics and I love kids. I've been telling everyone how I can't wait to have babies.
  14. WHEN I'M READY.
  15. WHEN I WON'T POISON THEIR LITTLE BODIES WITH A KNOWN TERATOGEN.
  16. The past week the babies in my ward gave cried blue murder when I'm around. Babies usually love me.
    Did they know? (I'm a woman of science. Not possible.)
  17. The two people supporting me at the moment are both male: boyfriend, and my best friend.
    They're really nice but I don't think they really get it.
  18. I'm terrified I'll need surgical intervention. The tablets are horrible but I've done the suction-type and the women cry no matter how much analgesia and local anaesthetic we gave.
  19. Fuck, getting my IUCD hurt like hell and that's nothing compared to it.
  20. Didn't I do everything right?
  21. Everything except not have sex.
  22. FUCK.