Alternative title: things people came to A&E for during my four-month stint as a casualty officer.
  1. Your baby has a nappy rash
    "Ma'am this is not an emergency." - "But she's so irritable!" - yes, because it's 2AM and your baby wants to sleep!
  2. You've had a headache all day, but you haven't bothered to try taking something for it.
    Disclaimer: some headaches are emergencies. Like thunderclap headaches, or when you've got an axe embedded in your skull.
  3. Your child had one loose stool an hour ago
    Note: one loose stool does not a diarrhoea make.
  4. Your child legitimately has diarrhoea.
    Is it rice-water diarrhoea (cholera)? Is your child dehydrated, lethargic, delirious? If not, it's not an emergency. Although to be fair, I'm a bit more forgiving with paediatric non-emergencies. I'd rather a parent bring their kid in too soon than too late.
  5. You've developed a bed-sore
    Bed sores need treatment. But they can wait for morning.
  6. Your urine is red (and you had beetroot for supper).
    LOL. It can be kinda alarming.
  7. Your urine is orange and you are taking TB treatment.
    (It's supposed to do that.)
  8. Your got shot with a paintball gun and you have a sore bruise.
    I've played paintball. It HURTS. But... Unless it went in your eye or your throat, it's probably not an emergency.
  9. Your kid pooped a worm.
    I know, it's pretty gross, but unless said kid is also vomiting worms and acutely ill, it can wait till normal working hours for treatment.
  10. You have a cough. You have had said cough for three weeks. You are worried it may be TB. Or lung cancer.
    I'm worried it may be TB too (and now you've come to a full emergency room and exposed everyone to it). But you can get tested for that, and a myriad other things, during the daytime.
  11. You want your IUD removed.
  12. You have scabies.
    Scabies sucks. But it's not an emergency.