THE 10 MOST COMMON LIES I TELL MYSELF

  1. I make these socks work.
  2. I can't taste the spinach in this smoothie.
  3. I totally get how there's a possible world where 1+1 doesn’t equal 2.
  4. There's no way I can eat all this hummus before my wife gets home.
  5. It’s warm enough for shorts.
  6. This pizza isn’t burning the roof of my mouth.
  7. I’m deceptively quick.
  8. I understand the difference between mass and weight.
  9. I could explain the electoral college if asked.
  10. If I skip after nearly tripping over my own feet, no one will realize that I nearly tripped over my own feet.