What I'd Think Oscar Nominated Movies Were About if I Hadn't Seen Them

  1. La La Land
    Two patients in an insane asylum get into kooky shenanigans in an imaginary kingdom ruled by Bill Murray. Obviously directed by Wes Anderson.
  2. Manchester by the Sea
    Young British aristocrat in the 1800s falls in love with a local peasant while on holiday, to the chagrin of her mother, Cate Blanchett. She chooses money over love.
  3. Lion
    Documentary on poaching endangered species for sport. Narrated by James Earl Jones because Mufasa.
  4. Arrival
    Kind of like Love Actually, except the whole thing takes place in a hospital. Includes monologue about how hospitals are airports for souls, full of people coming and going.
  5. Hidden Figures
    CIA agents during the Cold War secretly save the world from nuclear war.
  6. Hacksaw Ridge
    Serial killer in the mountains of Colorado. Weapon of choice is a rusted saw. Bet you never SAW that coming 😂
  7. Hell or High Water
    Terribly tacky pirate movie that shouldn't have ever been nominated in the first place.
  8. Fences
    The actual plot of Hell or High Water
  9. Moonlight
    Manhattan-esque Woody Allen movie. Fantastic soundtrack.