Levels of Adulthood Based on Your App Preferences

  1. 1.
    Beginner Adult: Free Version
    The last time you checked, you had $3.17 in your checking account and you weren't even sad. Premium app features are simply not on your radar right now, just like HBO and full tanks of gas. Now sit back with your third PB&J dinner this week and watch a quick ad.
  2. 2.
    Intermediate Adult: Premium Version
    You've reached a rare high point in your life that has caused you to experience a moderate and sometimes fleeting sense of stability. You have determined that the apps you use every day are worth that one-time $3.99 because hey, you just got paid and your birthday is coming up and you'll just skip the morning latte tomorrow to make up for it and those premium features will always be in the cloud, right? You also kind of understand the cloud now.
  3. 3.
    Professional Adult: Subscription
    You've made it. It is no concern of yours whether or not you will have that $9.99 next month or next year because you haven't overdrawn your account in what feels like ages. That's literally child's play because you're way too serious for games now. You prefer checking out the latest yoga apps (not the free ones, beginners) and legally streaming music across all of your shiny, new devices.