Please print this list and keep it handy just in case you ever find yourself presented with the probably unforgettable opportunity to buy me a drink:
  1. Beer
    Beer is a safe, reliable choice as a drink to buy me as a gift. If you want a specific beer then get me a Newcastle Brown Ale, a Country Boy Cougar Bait, a Samuel Smith's Nut Brown Ale, any Dunkel option on the beer list, an Apocalypse Brewery Fallout Dust, a Steiner Bock, or a classic and delicious pint of Guinness (on tap, if you buy me a Guinness in a bottle I will add you to my list of people I would just as soon see struck down on the field of battle).
  2. Liquor
    Everyone who knows me knows things about me. Maybe, if you're someone who knows me, you know that my favorite liquor is Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey. If you're cheap, get me one of these, preferably served "neat:" Buffalo Trace or Woodford Reserve. If you are someone who values the finer things, like my respect, please order me Blantons, Four Roses Single Barrel, or Bookers.
  3. Wine
    Wine is classy. I have Italian heritage which has bestowed upon me an affinity for the drink, so you can't go wrong treating me to a glass of "the grape juice for grown ups," as I like to call it. My favorite are dry reds like Chianti. Don't make the Silence of the Lambs joke when you give me my Chianti that you just bought me or I will accept the wine from you and then turn away and talk to someone with more original movie references.
  4. Cocktail
    Who doesn't love a good cocktail? I don't. I prefer bourbon neat. If you want to get crazy and add stuff to the perfectly fine whiskey you are buying for me, who am I to judge? Please order me an Old Fashioned. If the bartender seems cool and educated like me, ask him not to muddle the maraschino cherry or orange peel into my Old Fashioned that you just bought for me to drink as a gift.
  5. Coffee
    I take my (medium roast) coffee with just a small amount of cream, no sugar. It's very simple and if you put too much cream or any sugar at all in the coffee, I will write an angry poem about you.
  6. Juice
    Apple juice is my favorite juice if we are at a bar for babies that serves juice. Orange juice, lemonade, and grape juice are all obviously great as well but I wouldn't have expressly started this list item with apple juice if I didn't want you to get me that one.
  7. Milk
    2% milk is what I drink but my wife likes skim so I've grown accustomed to its inferior taste as well. Thank you for asking.