10 THINGS BRIDES PROBABLY THINK ON THEIR WEDDING DAY

  1. I've dreamt of this day ever since I was diagnosed with herpes
  2. Charles and Karen better fucking show or their payin for their steak
  3. I wonder if my ex, Mike, knows
  4. The God damn procession line
  5. I hope Mark's sister catches the bouquet. Give her a little hope
  6. Why are fake eyelashes 84 lbs?
  7. Purple was a bad choice
  8. Thank god my mom's old wedding dress didn't fit
  9. Who the fuck cares about a god damn centerpiece? Barbara. Barbara cares.
  10. Am I too drunk for this?