SUGGESTIONS TO IMPROVE WOMEN'S GYMNASTICS

  1. TACKLING: (obvious suggestion of course). Only one tackle attempt on any gymnast is allowed during the meet. Faking an attempt is encouraged. Only other fully participating gymnasts may be tacklers. Once any contact whatsoever is made, a tackle attempt has occurred.
  2. SHALLOW MOAT OF PIRANHAS UNDER BALANCE BEAM: Let's really encourage gymnasts to stay up there and, if balance is indeed lost, an exciting and hasty return to the beam is sure to entertain.
  3. BLINDFOLDS: For any event really, but, I envision (no pun intended) their employ during the uneven bars discipline.
  4. COACH DANCE-OFF: Points for the usual stuff...originality, execution, etc. We can now only imagine what Bela Karolyi's routine might have been back in the day (no tackling allowed during this event).
  5. NEW UNIFORMS: Though innocently watching on tv, I often feel slightly uneasy about the whole experience. If you're a middle-aged guy and you're against this improvement suggestion, that's disconcerting and I have a few follow-up questions for you. I suggest breathable khakis and a hockey-type sweater.