LISTS MY FAMILY WOULD MAKE ABOUT ME
Inspired by @tatertotfreak
- •REASONS I THINK MY SON IS A MAN WHOREI haven't even slept with that many people, mom! (She actually called me this once. I don't think she knows what whore means)
- •WAYS IN WHICH MY SON IS A FUCKIN LOSERMy dad is one of those classic dads who likes to make fun of his son cause it's funny but he doesn't really mean it. I think.
- •TIMES IAN HAS CORRECTED US TO SAY "WELL" INSTEAD OF "GOOD"Written by my sister and mom
- •REASONS WE THINK OUR GRANDSON MAY BE GAYNever been in a "traditional" relationship with a girl, and I'd never bring a girl I was sleeping with around my conservative grandparents. So naturally this is the conclusion they probably draw. Whatever.
- •SCHOLARSHIPS IAN HAD TO FORFEIT BECAUSE HE'S A FUCKIN DICK AND GOT PUT ON ACADEMIC PROBATION HIS FIRST SEMESTER OF COLLEGEMy b, fam. My b.
- •OTHER CAREER PATHS WE WOULD HAVE LIKED IAN TO PURSUEWritten by my mom and grandparents
- •TIMES IAN CHANGED HIS MAJOR/DEGREE AT SCHOOLSubtitle: MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND
- •CITIES IN EUROPE WE SHOULD TOTES MOVE TO TOGETHERWritten by my cool-ass sister
- •TIMES I STOLE THE DAILY CROSSWORD IN THE NEWSPAPER BEFORE IAN GOT HOME JUST TO SPITE HIMDamnit, mom.
- •TIMES I ASKED IAN TO PAY FOR DINNER EVEN THOUGH I KNOW HE'S BROKE AS SHITDamnit, dad.
- •ALL THE TIMES WE HAD TO MAKE A TRIP TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM BECAUSE OUR SON PARTIES TOO HARDTwice. The answer is twice.
- •REASONS YOU CAN'T WEAR CONVERSE TO A FUNERALAnother one from mom.
- •WHY DID GOD FORSAKE US AND GIVE US AN ULTRA-LIBERAL, ATHEIST GRANDSON?Another one from gram and gramps.
- •WHY WON'T IAN JUST SETTLE DOWN WITH A NICE GIRL? WE THINK HE COULD/SHOULD SETTLE DOWN WITH THE FOLLOWING NICE GIRLSI'm fuckin TWENTY-FOUR. Gimme some time jeeez.
- •SITUATIONS WE'VE BEEN IN WHERE IT WAS WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE FOR IAN TO BE PUBLICLY INTOXICATEDSorry, everyone.