THINGS I SAID WHEN I WOKE UP TO AN OMINOUS FIGURE IN MY ROOM

Inspired by @mother. Meant to post this like a week a go oops.
  1. Welp, looks like I've breathed my last breath.
  2. Fuck, I guess I'm dead now.
  3. Backstory:
    Senior year of college. Middle of the night on a random Tuesday. Some drunk/high out of his mind stranger not only walks into my apartment, but walks into my room like he's gonna go to bed. Of course, it's dark and I'm half asleep so I'm thinking I'm getting murdered. I soon caught on though, and sent the young man on his way with a "go get 'em, kid!" style pat on the back.