THINGS I DON'T WANNA SEE ON A FIRST DATE

  1. You, sporting a beanie
    We're indoors and there is no snow here.
  2. Open-toed shoee
    I didn't authorize you to show me your toes. Hard no.
  3. A lanyard 'round your neck that you got in college to hold your keys
    Throw that beer-soaked thing in the goddamn trash.