THINGS I DON'T WANNA SEE ON A FIRST DATE
- •You, sporting a beanieWe're indoors and there is no snow here.
- •Open-toed shoeeI didn't authorize you to show me your toes. Hard no.
- •A lanyard 'round your neck that you got in college to hold your keysThrow that beer-soaked thing in the goddamn trash.