1. "You might want to start carrying a chainsaw around because if a shark ever ate you, you could get out. It sounds gross, but it's a survival plan."
  2. "Adult lives are boring because all they think about is work and what they're going to do with their lives and how to make their kids' lives miserable."
  3. "Don't you know this is mature day? That means I don't do anything fun."
  4. "Teenagers. I don't get 'em."
  5. "Mom, can you make it so my iPad has in-app purchases?"