BLENDING WITH EAST NASHVILLLE HIPSTERS: WHAT NOT TO WEAR

I live in an outskirt of Nashville but I'm a born and raised New England girl. Having just spent this weekend in East Nashville, dining, listening to music and walking the neighborhoods with my dear friend, I now know what not to wear if you want to look local.
  1. A brand new pair of jeans
    Your jeans must have holes in at least 6 places, be stone washed, be manufactured in the year 1939, or button up around your sternum. Designer brands strictly forbidden.
  2. Athletic shoes
    you look like a tourist or God forbid someone who has to workout to be this skinny. Please stick to wingtips, your great grandfathers old boots from the basement, or roller derby skates.
  3. A sensible fall/winter coat
    This is critical guys. Only wind breakers from 5th grade (preferably an awkward color combo of teal, purple and periwinkle.) Or if you must wear denim (again stonewashed only por favor) it should be embroidered with Native American stitching or better yet just cut the sleeves off. Vests are always better.
  4. A plain white T
    Always, always, always cat graphics. You're '"I dream of weenie" East Nashville's only full service Weenery' t-shirt is fair game, just wear with a skirt or over a dress or over some leggings. Cat leggings.
  5. Unmarked skin/neatly styled hair
    I realize this isn't clothing but this important piece will pull it all together. A tattoo sleeve is preferable but not required. As long as a free bird, bicycle, arrow, bear, old fashioned camera or handlebar mustache inhabits the sensitive spot just behind your ear you're good. Shave one side of your head, throw on a derby hat and you'll be so unique that you're practically invisible in east Nashville.