GABES GUIDE TO THE WILDERNESS

My boyfriend likes to give "campus style" tours wherever we go. Complete with fun facts and walking backwards. Here are some excerpts from his guide during our hike in the redwoods. I don't recommend following any of his advice.
  1. Drink the stagnant water
    It's nutritious and yummy
  2. If bark is on the west side of the tree it means you're lost.
  3. Lewis and Clark walked through here and only ate moss.
  4. There are 12 types of bears in this valley, 3 are poisonous, 4 are made of gummy, 3 are friendly, the rest are actually hairy men.
  5. You can eat all the mushrooms here, they're made of marshmallow.
  6. Follow the creeks if you're ever lost.
    This is actually solid advice.
  7. That is just some of his brilliant tips on the wild.