THOUGHTS WHILE SITTING NEXT TO A 15 YEAR OLD

I'm in a small college class that the teacher has us sit alphabetically in with a dual enrolled 15 year old boy who's name puts him in the seat next to mine. he asks me various things...these are my thoughts and reasons I never respond.
  1. "Can you buy me some booze?"
    No, and not because you're 6 years under the legal age or because I could get arrested but mostly because it seems like you haven't brushed your teeth since you were 9 and that means you can not be responsible to hide alcohol.
  2. "Who got dat good reef here?"
    Are you talking about weed? I think that's what you mean by reef? Either way you spelt dat and asked this in a monitored online message. So no. I don't know you.
  3. "Can u give a ryde to da Bucks on 1st?"
    He wrote this down on my sticky not that he bugged me for. I had to out loud ask him huh? He meant "can you give me a ride to the Starbucks that is on 1st street since you work near it" HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE I WORK?!?!?
  4. "Do you know what viagra will do if you don't need it?"
    You are 15 with facial hair, chances are you don't need viagra. So no. I don't.
  5. "What age can you do a stripper"
    Go. Away. Far. Far. Away.
  6. "Did you hear that? Prof so wants my D"
    Dear Prof B, I beg of you to move me. This isn't going to end well for him, his mother, you, or me.