How Rube Goldberg Tied His Shoes

  1. Grab the left lace with your left hand and the right lace with your right hand.
  2. Push over the row of dominos directly to your right.
  3. The dominos continue upstairs, wrap around your bedroom, and then come back down to your kitchen. They move up to the counter and knock over your wife's glass of water.
  4. Your wife, sick of all your freaking Rube Goldberg machines, lights the house on fire.
  5. The smoke burns a hole in the ozone layer, increasing the sun's intensity directly over your expertly-placed magnifying glass.
  6. The magnifying glass burns a hole through the rope that is holding up the piano, which falls onto a TV remote. This causes a VHS tape of "How to Tie Your Shoes" to play on the nearby TV. You watch this and tie the laces on your shoe.
  7. Now for the left foot.