MY LIST-WRITING PROCESS

  1. 1.
    Come up with a clever idea
    "This is gonna be good... So good"
  2. 2.
    Put together 1 to 3 decent additions to the list
    "Now you're cruising, buddy. You're in the goddam zone."
  3. 3.
    Quickly panic at my lack of creativity
    "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."
  4. 4.
    Regret every life decisions I've ever made
    "Why didn't I just take the fucking bar?! You want to be an entertainment mogul and you can't even string together a stupid list! You really are one pathetic loser."
  5. 5.
    Slap together 5 half-assed bullet points to mediocrely round my pathetic list
    "I don't even care anymore; just make it stop. I'll go back to the training wheels of Twitter- I can do 140 characters."
  6. 6.
    Post said list
    "They're going to hate it."
  7. 7.
    Neurotically and compulsively check The List App for likes and re-lists
    "If @john doesn't like my list my fucking life is ruined."
  8. 8.
    Beg my girlfriend @paigeyp to re-list and like my list.
    "I didn't agree to the pink chair in our apartment for nothing."
  9. 9.
    Crack a beer, lean back and wallow in the genius that is my list
    "It's great; if they don't get it then it's their problem."