MY LIST-WRITING PROCESS
- 1.Come up with a clever idea"This is gonna be good... So good"
- 2.Put together 1 to 3 decent additions to the list"Now you're cruising, buddy. You're in the goddam zone."
- 3.Quickly panic at my lack of creativity"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."
- 4.Regret every life decisions I've ever made"Why didn't I just take the fucking bar?! You want to be an entertainment mogul and you can't even string together a stupid list! You really are one pathetic loser."
- 5.Slap together 5 half-assed bullet points to mediocrely round my pathetic list"I don't even care anymore; just make it stop. I'll go back to the training wheels of Twitter- I can do 140 characters."
- 6.Post said list"They're going to hate it."
- 7.Neurotically and compulsively check The List App for likes and re-lists"If @john doesn't like my list my fucking life is ruined."
- 8.Beg my girlfriend @paigeyp to re-list and like my list."I didn't agree to the pink chair in our apartment for nothing."
- 9.Crack a beer, lean back and wallow in the genius that is my list"It's great; if they don't get it then it's their problem."