LIES MY DAD TOLD THE HIGH SCHOOL ATTENDANCE OFFICE

Whenever my brothers and I stayed with our Dad, he'd drop us off at school late. Every time. These are just some excuses I remember him writing in notes to our high school attendance office.
  1. A tractor trailer filled with watermelons overturned on the highway, causing the biggest traffic jam in Philadelphia history.
  2. We stopped for bananas and were attacked by a group of escaped monkeys from the zoo.
  3. We were kidnapped by German terrorists.
  4. He was kidnapped by a 6'5" woman that was in love with him.
  5. His girlfriend had a baby that morning.
    He used this one like three weeks in a row, just to fuck around.