THINGS I AVOID EATING ON A FIRST DATE

  1. Ribs
  2. Hot wings
  3. Broken glass
  4. One of those dishwasher machine gel packs
  5. Half a basketball stuffed with six raw flank steaks
  6. Souls
  7. Any banana flavored candy
  8. Whatever has been surgically removed from my body during the procedure (this is specifically if my partner is a surgeon and our first date is scheduled surgery that she is performing on me, which happens more often than you would think)
  9. Sloppy Joes