1. Uber but the car will show up sometime over the next five years and take you to an unknown destination far away from your home and family, possibly under the sea in a cage
  2. The Stanford Prison Experiment as a Service
  3. A free service to increase your social media reach, but all your new followers are the people you have wronged in your life
  4. App that reads your LinkedIn contact requests aloud
  5. Pinterest for Guy Fieri
  6. Monthly subscription to a box that just wails when you open it
  7. Faceless ghosts, blogging
  8. Network of podcasts by presenters so permanently overcome by ennui that all they can muster are sad, guttural sighs and endorsements for Mailchimp
  9. High-quality gourmet food delivered by San Francisco municipal rail
  10. A social network capable of broadcasting raw emotion, such that you directly feel the sadness and joy of hundreds of millions of people who all use a keyboard and a tiny screen to feel less alone in the world
  11. Subscription to a man who keeps jumping out and surprising you, whether you have hiccups or not
  12. Hundreds of ants