TIMES MY FRIENDS HAVE TOLD ME THEY INVOKED ME AS THEIR SPIRIT ANIMAL 🦄✨

It's hard enough as it is to be my own role model, but I guess this is the burden I must bear.
  1. When a friend was asked to rate her writing skill, 10 being the highest, she answered "9." The interviewer said, "Wow, that's high." She felt kind of bad about it but immediately felt better when she thought, "Betch would've given herself a 10."
    This is false, though: I would have just said "9." And then consistently give 10-level work so that everyone would think, "Wow, she's talented AND humble."
  2. When friends who previously never wore makeup finally embraced red lipstick.
    I have bullied at least three friends into joining the cult of Hide the Fact That You're Dead Inside with A Bold Lip.
  3. When a friend used my Divide the Cost By the Number of Times You'll Use It philosophy to rationalize buying new shoes.
    Math is the purest form of science, and math says those shoes are practically free.
  4. When a friend was told by a potential employer that he looked too young for the position he was applying for, he said, "I don't think that would be a problem, because I always do my research and I make sure that I'm almost always right."
    I understand saying something like this without sounding like a douchebag would require a certain kind of charm, and he said thinking about the way I would've said it helped. He was offered the job.
  5. When a friend was so exhausted and decided to just give up for the day and take a six-hour nap, because that was what I would've done.
    No one will die if you take the day off to take care of yourself. Naps are necessary.
  6. When a friend was at a breakfast meeting and everyone else ordered the healthy breakfast sets and she was the only one who ordered bacon and eggs.
    She said this also reminded her of the time we had lunch out together and she got grilled fish and I got beef steak and I refused to share my food with her because she "needed to learn to live with [her] life choices."