WHAT I WANTED TO BE GROWING UP, AND WHY THINGS DIDN'T WORK OUT

I was the firstborn on both sides of my family, which is probably why I have such an inflated sense of self. I grew up constantly being told I could do anything, so naturally I wanted to do everything. I am presently none of these things, and here I attempt to explain why.
  1. Miss Universe.
    When I was little I thought being Miss Universe meant being Queen of the Universe. It must have been the giant crown.
  2. Archaeologist.
    Basically I wanted to be Lara Croft, Tomb Raider.
  3. Astronaut.
    After learning that you need to undergo physical training to be an astronaut, I've given up my dream of getting into a space suit. I now channel my fascination with outer space by stalking NASA's Instagram and keeping up with my horoscope.
  4. Race Car Driver
    My dad is a really good driver, and for a time I thought it would super exciting to be a racecar driver for a living. Unfortunately, I am bad at just regular driving because of my poor depth perception and slow reflexes.
  5. Veterinarian.
    I love animals! Except I am deathly afraid of housecats and think rabbits and other rodent-species are gross. Basically, I love dogs.
  6. Doctor (for humans).
    I wanted to be a psychiatrist or a neurosurgeon, but I would never pass med school because of my inability to memorize things. I've also realized that I would most likely not be able to handle the pressure of literal life and death situations.
  7. Paleontologist.
    I am bad at science and at memorizing. I'm still holding on to the dream of having a dinosaur named after me, though.
  8. Librarian.
    Libraries are one of my favorite places, and I thought being a librarian meant getting paid to read all day. Then I realized being a librarian meant having to deal with people.