AFTER A FEW DRINKS YOU

  1. Engage in political conversations soley based on the most recent Times article you read and/or the last Jon Stewart episode you saw.
  2. Got moves like jagger.
  3. Think these spanx will give you a yeast infection and it's worth it.
  4. Assume that every blonde scruffy man in a suit under five foot four is Ryan Seacrest.
  5. Repeatedly ask if they serve food here?
  6. Remember what's really lacking in your life is music. You're gonna start an all girl band called Alpha Bitch and the Omegas. Right after you finish designing that app.
  7. Call the waitress sexiest after she refuses to take your drink order.
  8. Whilst discussing said "app" with total strangers, you ask them to swear to secrecy before revealing your master plan.
  9. Ask someone else to Uber for you. Your phone is dead after trying to take all those selfies with the guy that looks nothing like RS in the background; and for some reason that's hilarious.
  10. Pass out with the shower running. Only to wake up and find the bathroom flooded.