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- •"as smooth as a baby's bosom"
- •"Graham crackers are another thing I like to eat stale."
- •"You haven't noticed that the sink smells like farts?"
- •"I've peed myself more times than I'm willing to admit."
- •I regularly eat food off the floordespite the well-documented mouse problem in my apartment
- •When I was little I used to hold (purely personal) competitions to see how long I could go without peeing and now I have the bladder of a warriorProof that being a giant weirdo has its perks
- •I am a fat cat enthusiast
An arbitrary and always growing list of strangers I immediately and permanently distrust.
- •wears transition glasses
- •is named Greg
- •wants Donald Trump to be their president
- •feels passionately about any show on the history channel