I'M GOING TO START HANDING OUT DEMERITS FOR THESE FACEBOOK STATUS TOPICS

  1. The weather
    So freaking boring.
  2. Anything where you lecture me
  3. Updates on your gastroenteritis
  4. Anything where you brag about something I'm bad at
  5. More than one food post per week
    Mostly because it makes me jealous and hungry
  6. Your workout
    I will make allowances if you've just started working out and are really excited because good for you, but before too long, you need to realize that no one wants to hear about it. Happy for you, but shush.
  7. Essential oils
    I like that crunchy hippie stuff but stop trying to sell it to me. Also, if I see you suggest essential oils to cure someone's cancer or asthma or other medical problem, I'll probably unfriend you.
  8. Your kids are okay
    They can be messy, annoying, and inconvenient, but children are generally better human beings than adults. I'll read about your kid as long as you're not updating me on her gastroenteritis.