THINGS I'D LIKE TO FORGET
- •The time a Praying Mantis latched itself onto my nostril.I was just trying to walk to the bus stop. Death grip nostril beast had other plans.
- •The time I accidentally shoved a q-tip really far into my ear.I was like, "RELAX, this happened to Lena Dunham in season one of Girls!"
- •The time my guitar teacher asked me if I had a learning disability.Nope! But I guess I need to find a new hobby!
- •The time I exclaimed, "Wow, that's an ugly car!" (Only to realize that said car's owner was standing right behind me.)My sincerest apologies, ma'am.
- •The time a Dunkin' Donuts employee walked in on me *peeing.*preparing to pee. (Shorts around ankles. Hands tangled hopelessly in disposable toilet seat cover.)
- •The time I microwaved an entire loaf of wonder bread.Plastic & twist tie too! (Not an experiment, I just really had no idea.)
- •The time I was attacked by a flock of evil seagulls at the Jersey Shore.They wanted my french fries, but so did I.
- •The time I mistakenly referred to a TSA officer as a 'security guard' in the customs line at JFK.BIG MISTAKE.