WHEN I CAME DOWNSTAIRS THIS MORNING..

  1. I walked in the kitchen to this
  2. And gasped
    WE'VE BEEN ROBBED
  3. And no one else was home to turn to
  4. And panic ensued
    Holy shit holy shit holy shit
  5. And then I thought why would someone steal our like 60 year old oven????
    BECAUSE ITS THE HOLIDAYS AND PEOPLE NEED THINGS AN OVEN IS AN OVEN
  6. More panic
    Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck
  7. And then I saw a strange man in my driveway
    OH FUCK
  8. And I screamed
    Like SHRIEKED
  9. And then he looked up at me in horror
  10. And then I grabbed the frying pan from the stove and ran out the front door
    Still screaming
  11. And then I was stopped by a Home Depot delivery truck that was parked in front of my house
  12. And the man was running after me with his hands up in the air
    "IM DELIVERING YOUR NEW OVENS!!"
  13. And I looked at him for a second
    And noticed he was holding a clip board and had the uniform.
  14. "You ordered new ovens!"
    He was desperately pointing to the clip board and then to the truck
  15. And I just fell to the ground laughing
  16. Like laughing so hard I couldn't breathe
    But also slightly crying because that was so effing traumatic and maybe adrenaline kicked in but idk
  17. "I'm so embarrassed" "I'm so sorry"
    I managed to say between my fits of hysteria
  18. And then he was laughing
    And also apologizing
  19. And then I told him no one told me this was happening
  20. And he was so nice and understanding
  21. And he thanked me for putting the frying pan down
  22. And I thanked him
  23. And then apologized about a hundred more times
    And he kept laughing and assured me it was totally fine
  24. And I was still on the ground at this point because I seriously couldn't feel my legs
  25. And he helped me up
  26. And I signed for the ovens
  27. And I've honestly never been more terrified and then laughed harder in my entire life
  28. And instead of making coffee I just poured myself a glass of wine
  29. And then made myself an egg on the frying pan