I took the train up to trendy London for a swanky birthday lunch
  1. Train manspreader
    Legs AND armrest 😐
  2. Kindly bearded Kiwi barista
    Only flinched slightly when I asked for decaf
  3. Terrible coffee nerd
    Sucking up to uninterested baristas and then making people move seats so he had room to film his coffee web series, which apparently is "fun, not like some of the really nerdy coffee series". Bored beautiful Japanese girlfriend looked on.
  4. Young hipster in high-waisted jeans
    His junk was offensively obvious and I think he saw me noticing and probably assumed I was checking him out in a sexual manner when in fact it was a major turn-off. Put it away boy, no one cares about your dick.
  5. Nervous glasses man with massive suitcase
    People were judging him for having a massive suitcase and blocking the aisle. Turns out the suitcase wasn't his. Imagine his silent inner torment - how to signal that the massive suitcase RIGHT NEXT TO YOU is in fact nothing to do with you and you would never block the aisle like that?