All The Jobs I Have Had
In chronological order
- •Button SewerAs soon as I learned how to sew buttons in preschool, my dad "let" me fix all his shirts. I was usually paid in Skittles.
- •Quencher of Sidewalk ThirstA Dixie cup of lukewarm Tang! Only 25 cents. Accidentally "took candy from strangers" as payment once. It was a big bag of caramels from an old lady but we were too scared to eat them.
- •Fair Vendor of Homemade Jewelry and ClothingStarted with fimo & "friendly plastic" creations at age 12, did the same hippie fair every summer til I was 17 and sewing dresses out of vintage fabric to fund my year abroad.
- •BabysitterUsually for my teachers' kids, but most memorably for some kids on my block, with whom I created a call-in "radio" show about ghosts that we'd record spontaneously whenever we hung out.
- •Independent Book & Record Store ClerkLike Empire Records + High Fidelity but with a more diverse cast. Storytelling goldmine that will need a list of its own.
- •Salad BitchFirst on-campus job in one of my college's cafes. Rich kids too cool for on-campus jobs were SO fucking mean to me while I made their dang salads, I cried every day and quit after a week.
- •Risk Management Office AssistantA delightful interlude filing incident reports where I got to learn whose underwear had been stolen and who was throwing microwaves out their dorm windows. And they let me use their copy machine to make zines during lunch!
- •Teacher's AssistantWorking for a fave professor making copies and ordering slides, and occasionally being suckered into going to her house to organize her personal library.
- •Shitty Roadside Motel HousekeeperI was living in a fairly remote area with limited options and no car... Total nastiness.
- •Letterpress Designer/Printer (the awesome time)Three years of show poster radness and making an inky mess and having wacky celebrity encounters and dealing with bizarre tourists.
- •Letterpress Printer (the disastrous time)After I recovered from getting my hand smashed in machinery my first week on the job, I had to bail because the lack of ventilation for their toxic chemicals was giving me puking migraines every day.
- •Wedding Invitation Production AssistantA short stint facilitating prissy and boring designs, where I was told to wear long sleeves every day so nobody would be scandalized by my tattooed arms affixing the Swarovski crystals to their stationery with tweezers.
- •Cake DecoratorGoofy and fun to play with dessert all day long, but also a bit of an asspain due to the corporate culture. Wrote secret messages inside the cakes of rude customers.
- •Full Time Weirdo ArtistI feel very lucky this is my job. It's crazy scary sometimes but the joy and satisfaction part makes it all worth it.