It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Nah, it was just the worst of times.
  1. In 2007, after living in Nashville for three years and feeling that my first post-college job had worn out its welcome, I thought I wanted a bigger city with a more happening art scene.
    I thought Chicago would be big-but-not-too-big and def more affordable than NYC or L.A.
  2. Disaster Part One: Ignoring the first red flags of The Worst Relationship, I made this move with a partner.
    The rest of the shitshow might have just been a funny story if it weren't for that.
  3. Disaster Part Two: Having no experience with the city, we used an apartment finding agency to get a place.
    They ignored everything we requested, lied to our faces, yanked us around for weeks, and did some illegal stuff. Finally they found us a basement apartment on a scarily violent street, for which we were expected to pay 3 month's rent for deposit. Someone was shot on our block in the first week. Nobody would deliver food to us.
  4. Disaster Part Three: I got a letterpress printing job I was pretty stoked on, but my first day after my training was completed, I got my hand smashed in a press. Nothing broken but still completely terrifying.
    After I healed from this injury and returned to the pressroom I got puking migraines every single day due to the lack of ventilation for nasty chemicals. So I quit.
  5. Disaster Part Four: The hot water heater in our shitty apartment went out all the time. During winter.
    The landlord sent her drunk ass husband over to fix it, but he was usually too drunk to accomplish anything, so his wife would call a repairman. Then there would be a screaming match where the husband accused the repairman of fucking his wife and threatened to kill him.
  6. Disaster Part Five: The Worst Relationship turned out to be cheating on me to a pathological and ridiculous extent.
    Not realizing he was a narcissistic sociopath, I believed the lies that came after this discovery and encouraged him to seek therapy. He just made up fresh lies for them. Wish I could say I bailed at this point, but I was highly deluded after years of manipulation and gaslighting...
  7. Disaster Part Six: Attempting to politely break our lease, we found new tenants to move into our apartment... Yet our landlord said they "didn't want to pay" the amount of rent so she gave them a discount and told them we'd pay the difference. WTF!
    At this point I hired a lawyer who outlined all the ways the landlords and apartment agency broke the law, so we just left and moved back to Nashville.
  8. Disaster Part Seven: Though we got the F outta there, it took two years before we got our deposit back.
    Had to go back to Chicago to appear in court & be treated like garbage by their scummy lawyer. Horrible. Honestly not worth it, I only cared to legally be out of the lease.
  9. Soooooo that's why me and Chicago are not pals. Also I think deep dish pizza is terrible. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯