it technically doesn't exist. BUT, here's what:
  1. my mom was raised catholic
  2. my dad was raised baptist
  3. they got married in an episcopal church so he could take communion
  4. they raised me and my brothers in the episcopal church
  5. specifically St. Paul's in Cleveland Hts, OH
    which is really the only church I care to go to because I love the community but I'm not sure how I feel about the religion of it all
  6. I know/have at one point observed most major Jewish holidays
    including sometimes legit keeping Passover while not even thinking to give something up for lent
  7. I can sing the appropriate thing as we light the menorah
    please invite me to light candles with you. (baruch atah adonai...) I am obsessed with individual menorah style and love when people share their menorahs with me.
  8. I was in a production of fiddler on the roof for a year
    our stage manager hosted Seders featuring famous musical theatre songs with rewritten, Passover-themed lyrics
  9. many of my absolute favorite humans are (at least partially) Jewish
  10. hybrid weddings are the best weddings and I probably want a chuppah and a ceremonial glass breaking at my own
  11. mazel tov is usually my congratulations of choice
  12. in conclusion: the truth about my Jewishness is that it is actually a big part of my cultural identity, if not my actual heritage