Five Things My 14-year-old Self Would Never Ever Believe Even if I Could Somehow Magically Tell Him

  1. 1.
    Adults are, to a very substantial degree, faking it. And I mean most of the time.
  2. 2.
    Corollary: When adults order you to do something and you actually do it, they are secretly amazed because they know that their "authority" is a tissue of lies.
  3. 3.
    Girls will basically never get less baffling. I know you're staking everything on the hope that some moment of adult clarity will someday somehow be visited upon you. Sorry.
  4. 4.
    That bravado thing you do? I'm talking about you and your friends. Your male friends. You know, where you go swaggering shoulder-to-shoulder down the street being loud? You should stop it. Because trust me, it doesn't look good on you and you're the only ones who don't get it.
  5. 5.
    Math is handy, sure, but let's not go overboard on the thing.