a schedule

  1. wake up
    check your phone and make sure you didn't miss a call while you were restlessly sleeping
  2. talk yourself into going to class
    you know being in class is going to make you anxious and it will be hard to focus but if you don't go you will lose points
  3. put your phone on do not disturb
    you used to answer your phone during class when she called. at a point it became too distracting. at least if it is on do not disturb you don't have to have the guilt of declining the call
  4. still obsessively check your phone through the entire class just to make sure
  5. buy yourself a bagel
    it's gonna be a long day -me to myself every day
  6. decide against sitting in the library between classes
    though it is your favorite place and usually relaxing, the thought of having to answer your phone in the quiet is too much
  7. go somewhere secluded on campus
    you already have the most private places memorized
  8. try not to touch your phone too much
    you could accidentally hang up a call
  9. repeat through all your classes today
  10. realize and try to make peace with the fact that she might not call you until she is discharged and there is no way for you to know what hospital she went to or where she is or if she tried something or if she will have to leave school for the year
    again
  11. try to distract yourself at home
    lots of food network
  12. think about how you probably jinxed everything by telling that dude that everything is going well and it's okay now
    that night was when everything started going terrible again
  13. if you feel not anxious for any length of time jump on it and do all your homework for the whole week
    so later when you can't bring yourself to type a paper you won't fail all your classes
  14. go to sleep
    but with your phone next to your pillow