REASONS WHY B. J. NOVAK SHOULD FOLLOW ME BACK

basically pls I live in bumblefuck Columbia, SC and the most exciting thing that happens is us being recognized for Joe Wilson yelling at Obama
  1. When rewatching The Office for the 4th time, my friends and I compiled a list of all scenes he was in
  2. Mindy Kaling DMed me and acknowledged me once and sent me a signed copy of her book so by association, B. J. could also
  3. I touched Joe Biden's head once and a secret service agent grabbed me and escorted me out for it
    This isn't relevant but this is all I have to offer
  4. My name starts with a B too! Coincidence? I think NOT
  5. He graduated from Harvard, and I have my rejection letter framed. Oh, the similarities....
  6. I wrote my entire SAT writing section essay using examples from The Office and made a perfect score
  7. I wear men's deodorant and he probably does too?? Granted mine is $3 but STILL
  8. Convinced my friend to get a tattoo of the Ryan quote "Origami. It's the sushi of paper"
    The tattoo artist wouldn't let her get it though because he said she was "too fucked up" and would "regret it in the morning" who the fuck are you, RICK?????