My favorite comedian. Please add your favorite quotes to the list...
  1. I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
  2. I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.
  3. You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.
  4. Rice is great if you're hungry and want to eat 2,000 of something.
  5. This jacket is dry clean only... which means it's dirty.
  6. What does a sesame seed grow into? I don't know, we never gave them a chance! What in the fuck is a sesame?
  7. Escalators never break. They just become stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
    Suggested by @maria
  8. My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said, "No, but I want a regular banana yeah"
    Suggested by @JustinHairston
  9. Dogs are forever in the push up position.
    Suggested by @maria