1. Joaquin Dead
    Death of Joaquin Phoenix
  2. Pope on the Ropes
    Pope Francis faces a Vatican mutiny for his progressive policies
  3. Great Wuhl of China
    Actor Robert Wuhl joins the State Department, stands up to Chinese premier in fiery Beijing speech
  4. Veepless in Sea Battle
    Julia Louis-Dreyfus retires from her post-acting gig as Secretary of the Navy.
    Suggested by @roche
  5. NO VAX FOR NOVAK
    BJ Novak reveals himself as an antivaxer after wife has triplets!
    Suggested by @shanaz
  6. Trump Dumps Mumps
    After years of no diagnosis, doctors are treating the mumps that have plagued Donald Trump with puffy cheeks, delusional fevers, and tender salivary glands.
    Suggested by @wordytime
  7. Can't Hardy Wait
    Editors condemn Tom Hardy's impatience in blistering editorial
    Suggested by @alexm247
  8. Rex In Effect
    Curfew imposed on Simon Rex
    Suggested by @alexm247
  9. Grohl Forth And Multiply
    Dave Grohl celebrates birth of 11th child
    Suggested by @alexm247
  10. Putin On A Show
    Vladimir Putin, eight years into his retirement, begins the international tour of his one-man vaudevillian-style show. Tickets on sale now for twenty thousand rubles.
    Suggested by @amieshmamie
  11. Paulie's Sure
    Paulie Shore is changing genders. "It's now or neh-verrr. (Weasel sounds)."
    Suggested by @Splinterphobic
  12. Vin Weasel!
    Vin Diesel cheats on his wife
    Suggested by @hannahbee
  13. Sein-Field
    Jerry Seinfeld purchases The Mets' stadium & uses it to grow produce.
    Suggested by @MaxBadNews
  14. Obama Mama Llama Drama
    Last ditch effort from Trump suggesting Obama's mother was actually a type of camel.
    Suggested by @oliviapetzy
  15. FLASH GORDON
    Chef Gordon Ramsay makes a citizen's arrest of a flasher on the streets of NYC. the subsequent image of Gordon apprehending the pixelated, semi-nude criminal goes extremely viral
    Suggested by @mikeyincharge