Things Normal Folks Can Do, but Celebs Can Not... Like Going to a Movie Without Wearing a Mask

  1. 1.
    Going to a movie without wearing a mask.
    I always go to the movies in a mask to avoid drawing attention to myself. Typically, I wear the exact mask from the movie The Mask to seem most normal (I learned the hard way not to wear this to a special revival screening of The Mask- ppl thought I was Jim Carrey). Oh, how I would love to go to the movies without a mask!
  2. 2.
    Going to a concert without extra prosthetic limbs
    At a concert, there is typically more light than at a movie theater, and more chance for me to get recognized. So beyond a mask, I have to add a few extra prosthetic limbs so that I look like the kind of Marvel villain people want to avoid. It makes it harder to clap my hands, though. I would love just once to go to a concert without those extra arm and leg protrusions.
  3. 3.
    Going to the grocery store without a full set of armor
    Probably the saddest day as a celebrity came when I went to a supermarket without wearing armor. Well, all the other shoppers had opinions on my work, of course: fans who showered me with candy, but also critics who pelted me with tomatoes! I certainly learned my lesson that day. Now I wear a set of 15th century Samurai armor I keep in my car any time I need some quick groceries.
  4. 4.
    Going to a bank without a mask and a gun
    Go into a bank as a celebrity and get mobbed by all the people in line who are bored out of their skulls, desperate for distraction? No thank you! I wear a mask, and just in case anyone still recognizes me, I brandish a gun to discourage friendly conversation. It works, but it causes other complications. Sometimes I miss the simpler times.