I receive emails from the three major parties of Australia, because I have written to each of them in the past and they like to assume this means my support (when usually it is the opposite).
  1. You busy tonight?
    From Bill Shorten (leader of the opposition). Bit forward, BILL. I feel like I barely know you.
  2. Wish Bill a happy birthday 🎂
    From Chloe Shorten (Bill's wife). I feel like that is your job, Chloe.
  3. ✂️✂️✂️✂️
    From the opposition. Because of all the cuts to funding the government is doing. Get it?
  4. 💸 We will be outspent 💸
    From the opposition. Please stop asking me for money. You keep implying that this is the only way you will kick out the government. But perhaps maybe some good policies will help.
  5. Seriously out of touch
    From the opposition. About the government after the budget was released. In fairness. It's probably true.
  6. Why are you supporting us?
    From the opposition. DAMN GOOD QUESTION. If I had an answer, I might actually be supporting you.
  7. Are you with us?
    From the government. There was actually a yes and no button in the email. Guess which one I chose. (When I clicked it they said "We're sorry to hear that you're not backing a brighter, more innovative and secure future.")