1. I like soda (aka devil juice)
  2. Her broccoli tastes like grass at a dog park
  3. I used to hide a sleeve of Milanos in the back of the pantry
  4. Nobody "hates" donuts
  5. Raisins aren't dessert
  6. SoulCycle doesn't make you fat
  7. When she scoops out my bagel I just schmear the dough ball and eat it
  8. The fact that I eat gluten is not the reason I don't have an internship
  9. She told me that movie theater nacho cheese is made of ox blood and that's why I have no friends