6 WAYS MY MOTHER DRASTICALLY UNDERESTIMATED THE SCALE OF FACEBOOK WHEN I WORKED THERE

I worked at a mom-and-pop shop called Facebook for six years. My wonderful Jewish mother loved to kvell about the company's success, but she never quite grasped the magnitude of it.
  1. 1.
    When Facebook got sued by half the states in America, she recommended a lawyer for us: my Uncle Danny.
  2. 2.
    She persuaded eleven seniors at the Coconut Grove Art Festival to sign up for Facebook, then asked if my coworkers were thrilled when they "noticed."
  3. 3.
    She suggested I introduce Zuck to her friend who owns Sam's Chowder House so that Zuck could personally negotiate a deal to serve their lobster rolls on campus.
  4. 4.
    When I told her I was going to leave the company, she asked if she should sell her Facebook stock.
    This was flattering, but I reassured her that people like Mark would stay on board to oversee crustacean negotiation and other corporate matters. The stock ended up soaring after I left, a family shame we never discuss.
  5. 5.
    She cut out and snail-mailed me the articles whenever Facebook was mentioned in the Pinecrest Village Tribune.
  6. 6.
    She stopped storing baby photos of me on Facebook to "save us money."
    I let this one go.