SOMETHING THAT ACTUALLY JUST HAPPENED TO ME

  1. OKAY SO
    I come home from school, search my coat and bag- no keys. Nbd, it's happened before. Then I remember- my sisters at the gym, my mum and dad are at work for ages, all my friends at a poetry lecture, phone in the locked house
  2. PANIC
    I consider every option, but I'm coming up empty. Then I recall the time back in Jan that my sister and I forgot my keys
  3. SO
    I scale the wall, to get to the slight gap between my house and our neighbors
  4. I cross the little gap hap-hazardly, because part of my journey entails me to actually trespass into my neighbors garden. I don't have the back up of my sister
  5. BEAR IN MIND
    I have to make this journey with the street in full view. Legit all the parents with young children coming home from school see me make the trip. I'm feeling highly self conscious
  6. BUT
    I make it, the neighbor was home, I could hear the tv on, but they, thank god, did not notice me. I jump the fence. I am now in my own garden
  7. BUT
  8. DISASTER
    Both doors are locked. At this point I cannot believe my own stupidity. My sister locked them last night, ironically to trap me out while I enjoyed my ice cream in the garden, then she locked them again after letting in
  9. BUT JOY
    This window was open, trust me it's smaller than it looks
  10. It would not open any further
  11. Then obviously I lean into it, finding the journey impossible, I did not think I was going to fit through. Appreciate please that this window is quite tall
    I had to arrange the garden furniture like so to reach its level
  12. I lean in, thinking fuck the entire time, and wonder, do I have to exert this much into this?
    But alo alack! The key to my happiness. I reach in to grab it (this is bloody hard) but I do it. I have the key
  13. At this point I am feeling pretty pleased with myself
    Until I come to the obvious realisation that that key was for the window I'd just clambered through. It does not fit either of the doors
  14. At this stage I'm like
    Don't make me go through that window again. But I sigh as I realise the inevitable. I remove my watch, shoes, lanyard and cardigan to ensure I am as streamlined as possible
  15. BUT AFTER MAYBE TEN MINUTES OF BEING STUCK IN THE WINDOW, HALF IN, HALF OUT, I GET THROUGH
    While I flapped, I understood that you should never take your shoes off whilst trying to clamber through a window that is clearly designed so people can't get through. You need the grip
  16. AND IM IN
    Sweet, sweet victory. I begin to run around my house with my recently reclaimed phone, taking photos of my quest
  17. AND THEN
    I. Shut. The. Door. With. Me. On. The. Other. Side. I'm. Locked. Out. Again. And here I am now
  18. CONGRATULATIONS KATHERINE
    You played yourself