13 Things We Learned About 'Harry Potter and the Cursed Child' This Week
So many crazy big reveals! Let's walk through them!
- 1.There will be live owls on stage.No joke. Real. Owls. And let's think about this... I can't think of any other owls in Harry Potter besides Hedwig... Does that mean Hedwig's coming back!?!?
- 2.Daniel Radcliffe will not be reprising his role as Harry Potter.Instead, he will be taking over Dame Maggie Snith's role as Professor McGonagall.
- 3.Hagrid will be played by three kids stacked on top of each other wearing a trench coat.
- 4.It will focus primarily on Dumbledore and Lemon Drops.Lemon Drops being, of course, the name of not only his favorite candy, but his favorite Gay Club. Deluminate THAT, bitch!
- 5.Frodo will have to return to Mordor.Who knows why yet? All we know is we hope Gollum didn't survive that fall...
- 6.Voldemort got a nose job.
- 7.It will feature a boy stuck in a nest with wings.What? I mean it's true apparently.
- 8.Hedwig is coming back... But as the internationally ignored, genderqueer, East-German rock artist.
- 9.It won't recoup it's initial investment and will close in 4 months.I have no idea why they've already announced this. It seems sort of premature--let alone unambitious--to say they won't make their money back and set a date for failure, but they did.
- 10.It will transfer to America, but only to a small regional theatre in New Hampshire.They just feel bad cause the producers don't feel New Hampshire has anything special yet. They should be included.
- 11.The audience will be turned into newts... But they'll get better.What with all the witches bound to be in the show, wasn't this one inevitable?
- 12.There will be an entire new score written entirely composed of old slave hymns.I thought this one was a little offensive honestly, but whatever works.
- 13.They will find the eighth Horcrux.... the clitoris.