MY OFFICE IS HAUNTED

  1. This is my assistant Katie.
    On Wednesday, she came into work, tired and fatigued. She'd suffered a nasty episode of sleep paralysis earlier that morning. As she lay awake on her stomach - but trapped inside her mind - she sensed a dark being loom over her, press down on her shoulder, and whisper foreboding threats in her ear. Like, "I'm gonna get you!" She passed out and woke up hours later. I am not making this up.
  2. I immediately think,
    "Incubus!" No, not the mediocre TRL rock band from Calabasas, the male demons who sit on your chest and ghost-rape girls in their sleep! (The female version of incubus is succubus, and sometimes I might offensively apply this term to women friends of mine who emotionally drain me. Maybe.)
  3. Katie hates
    that I jump to this conclusion. She doesn't believe in stuff like this. I inquire whether she's gone through any religious breakthroughs lately or if she feels spiritually vulnerable (My friend studied parapsychology and these are the types of questions he asks for this sorta thing, I don't know!). She texts her identical twin, "Remind me to tell you about my crazy nightmare from last night." Her sister responds, "Not before I tell you mine about a demon!"
  4. WAIT WHAT
    Seriously. They both had nightmares about demons. Dun dun dunnnnn...
  5. Later in the morning,
    Katie's drinking coffee from her mug and notices movement. She takes a closer look and finds a cockroach at the bottom of her cup. Then, another. She throws the cup down, and realizes that there are cockroaches swarming her desk.
  6. The exterminator arrives
    and sprays pesticide inside and out of her cubicle. He sets traps and by the end of the day, the glue is peppered with a colony of baby roaches. It's disgusting. We think the worst is over.
  7. The next morning,
    a giant moth the size of a small bat flies over her area and through the office. Everyone's freaking out. No one's ever seen anything like it before. At the same time, one of the warehouse guys gets rear-ended right at the entrance to our street. On the other side of town, our videographer Johnny wakes up at home with a mysterious broken ankle.
  8. Okay, that one is super bizarre.
    He and his roommate live next to a cemetery and he woke up once with a black eye out of nowhere. On this morning, he wakes up and his leg is literally broken. He heads to the hospital. Today, our receptionist gets rear-ended at the intersection outside our office on her way into work.
  9. We find a couple more cockroaches
    ducking in and out of Katie's desk today. I whip open a drawer and they scatter like... roaches. Every time I open another drawer, I point a flashlight into the abyss and more insects disperse. I call in a couple warehouse dudes to dismantle the desk and throw it away. It takes them all of two minutes. They come back in from the docks and tell us there were no roaches to be found anywhere inside the desk. The corner is bone dry.
  10. The end (?? I hope...)