Why is it that when we’re separated from the world by a seat belt and a thin sheet of glass, we feel like we can get away with anything?
  1. Flip strangers off / Curse at 'em
    Imagine if road rage was a thing with pedestrians. Someone accidentally steps in front of you and you scream bloody murder, mimicking the throat-cutting gesture.
  2. Drop all the N-bombs when singing along to their favorite rap song (non-black people)
    You loooove “Hit ‘em up.”
  3. Masturbate
    (From what I've HEARDDDD) Sales guys and truckers who spend a lot of time on the road practice this kooky, high-speed pasttime. Tengas facilitate. Many women don’t even have to use their hands. Suddenly, traffic jams don’t seem so bad.
  4. Eat terribly
    Something about road trips and convenience stores make it okay to consume large quantities of beef jerky and pork rinds like it’s not really happening. (Like eating fast food in an airport, or a churro wherever it is they are selling churros)
  5. Ogle (for just a second or five minutes too long)
    Everyone’s guilty. See that curvy runner on the corner in skintight leggings? WE ALL DO.
  6. Shave
    I understand the applying-makeup thing for the ladies in a rush, but awkwardly holding a razor to your neck while you hurtle in a deathbox down the freeway? (Bonus points: noosing a tie around your neck at the same time) Where does all the loose hair go anyway? Does your boss ask if you ate a marmot for breakfast?
  7. Popping a zit
    I see at least 4 people doing this a week, while waiting for the light to turn green.
  8. Vomit
    That’s me, when I see someone doing that.
  9. Add your human atrocity below:
  10. picking your nose indiscreetly
    i'll do this anywhere but there's nothing more satisfying or a better place to do it and ignore the stares than in your car
    Suggested by @amber
  11. Singing "Free Yourself" by Fantasia whenever I feel fed up
    Suggested by @olive
  12. A/C Tyrants
    Someone that turns the vehicle into a moving freezer by dialing the knob to 100% just because they are a little stuffy.
    Suggested by @mattyice217
  13. You forgot singing until your vocal cords are sore as if you are the second coming Mariah Carey/Whitney Houston hybrid and you're auditioning for the next American Idol/The Voice show. Not that I do that...
    Suggested by @shanaz
  14. I pump breast milk in my car.
    I don't want to delay getting home by doing it at work, and I don't want to waste precious time doing it at home. Traffic is the perfect place to feel like a dairy cow. It may be magical thinking, but I just assume people can't see my chest or just think I'm wearing a fashion forward pointy boob top. I'm sure Ben Affleck saw NO NIPS that one time on 3rd St and La Cienega. 🐄🍈🍈💦💦
    Suggested by @AlexandraLouise
  15. (Part of road rage) if some wacko driver pisses me off, I often pretend to reach over frantically look for a gat in the glove compartment and hope they see me, whether in front of me or behind me. It's freaked a few people to my delight. Learned it from my ex-Korean gangster friend.
    Suggested by @klarkkent
  16. Steering with your elbows while texting
    Like some sort of balancing act on the freeway
    Suggested by @awadoflists
  17. Enjoy the smell of your own farts (not me of course😁)
    No need to pretend it wasn't you, or that you are sorry...just sit with it.
    Suggested by @ejay
  18. SPIT 🔥 BARS
    Because suddenly you became Drake's new ghost writee
    Suggested by @erwinism
  19. Following along to your favorite drum solo, domestically beating your steering wheel. Definitely guilty, of this offense.😞
    Suggested by @levii
  20. Cutting the queue
    Courtesy for others waiting is immediately forgotten in the car. For some reason it's completely acceptable to try and wedge your steel chassis into the middle of a toll booth line or merging lane. The innocent "I don't know how I got here!?" look conjures no sympathy from me.
    Suggested by @paris
  21. Call cyclists all kinds of horrible names
    Suggested by @TheAnne
  22. have Siri transcribe a text message to send, as if that is safer.
    Suggested by @boygirlparty
  23. work Waze like a video game. sure, I'm a passenger!
    Suggested by @boygirlparty
  24. Have intercourse...
    Of course when the car is parked, I mean we all want to deny our adult lives and act like teens, may as well procreate like teens as well.
    Suggested by @thewastedtalent