THINGS THAT EXCITED ME AS A KID THAT DO ALMOST NOTHING FOR ME NOW

I'm dead inside.
  1. Chuck E. Cheese's (fka Chuck E. Cheese)
    If you can find one, there is now a Purell dispenser at the turnstile. Oh, also, there is a turnstile.
  2. MTV
    A once dangerous place is home to America's Funniest YouTube Videos and Pregnant Babies.
  3. Seeing a bra
    Like, just sitting there.
  4. Limousines
    with the boomerang
  5. Birthday parties
    Mine or anyone else's.
  6. Michael Jordan
    How do you end this biopic?
  7. Toys R' Us
    I still love toys, but have you been to one lately? It’s like Sid’s room from Toy Story.
  8. 2-liter bottles of Coca-Cola
    with every Western Bacon Cheeseburger, Dorito, or pizza slice.
  9. Dollar bill
  10. Everything else still works.